Making Honey

Hola Sunday! Yesterday walking in the heat I decided to dump in the trash; 2 pair yoga pants, 1 wool blanket (yeah like that was necessary for a Spanish summer tred) 1 book on how to travel with less (ha) 1 plate, 1 hat, 1 pillow and I think my packie lost about 1.5 lbs! During the heat of the day towards the end I started really complaining to myself; this was the theme; this is stupid, it's freaking hot, i can see the city but dammit I am barely making progress getting there, there is no shade, I am almost out of water, what was I thinking? should I just find a twig of shade, if that's even possible and sleep there? .... and this crybaby symphony went on for like 30minutes.So not only was I heat and physical exhausted but I was a one woman complaint machine. Eventually I got really sick of myself and had to have a tough love conversation... Come on Cherryholmes! You are the one that wanted this 500 freaking mile walk across spain! You KNEW it would be hard, you KNEW it wasa lot to bite off but you BIT IT ANYWAYS! So unless this crybaby crap is going to help you get to your destination sooner then shut the hell up...............well, SHE told me!??! After Idecided negativety was not helpful, I was walking in silent pain... then I decided to list to myself outloud the assets that I based my assumption I could do this to begin with; I said (at least 200 times outoud in almost a self motivation talk) Kay you have a Strong MindKay you have Strong LungsKay you have a Strong HeartKay you have Strong Legs....... and that is how Imade it to that little village on the hill with the naked austrian women. My point is today is that I am realizing that even negative TALK is uneccessary weight on our journey. We can choose to just the negative up! Pain is pain, is pain and life has pain and this journey certainly has it's share but talking outloud about it does not make it diminish in the very least. Yesterdays walk was up the "Hill of Forgiveness"....i wondered which is harder; to walk UP that Hill, or to truly forgive? (Still contemplating that one)This morning when I was leaving the blissful little alburgue I paused at the bar/kitchen for breakfast and I ordered cafe con leche and bocadillo (coffee and sandwich) I was caught off guard when the young gentleman barista said to me... "Porky?"... his tones implied a question although I didn't understand... I simply said "No Porky"... (whatever)..... as he began to bag up my bocadillo (sandwhich) I realized that in spanish he had said " por aqui?" (Meaning " for here") Hahahaha! I won't even go into what my mind was telling me but let me say that as a person who speaks very very very quickly, the difference in hearing that "ah" in aqui was the difference between a courtesy question and something totally different. I will try to speak sloooooooower in life at home. (Please hold me to this)I passed over the hill of forgiveness and mostly downhill today. Many many many butterflies all around me!I think it was a good omen. I lost almost a day of travel I am sure because I kept stopping to take photos; yellow, blue, black, white, orange, striped butterflies. I was thinking about how long it takes in their coccoon to eventually push through that to become carefree. Then Isaw their solo companion; the bumblebee. Buzzing around with them in his round little body and teensy weensy wings. It seems as if nobody ever told the bumblebee that his wings are not big enought to carry him around (god do I relate to the bumblebee) I am certain that the main reason he can fly is because he is DETERMINED to live a life with honey. As he does, so I chase my honey. I am buzzing around this country with little wings, a round body and a determination that gets me where Ineed to go. Maybe someday down the journey of life somewhere I will get to feel a little more like a butterfly. Until then.... making honey. Life is Sweet.